Prepare thyself for one twisted tale.
Through the chapters of time, legends have been told
of brave knights, evil warlocks,
beautiful maidens, magical prophecies,
and other serious shit.
Be not afraid.
This is your destiny.
You will bear my seed,
giving birth to a new beast,
a new age:
An age where I will command mankind in fear!
To arms!
At ease, Maiden.
When the light of the world flickers,
we, the Golden Order of Knights,
restore the rule of good.
You're safe now.
Then let us pray
that 100 years from now when these two moons meet again,
there will be a hero as brave as you, my lord.
A hero as brave.
Oh, fuck me.
Prince Thadeous of Mourne,
you are hereby sentenced to death by hanging
for your illicit behavior
with the noble Dwarf King's second wife Regina.
You're a disgrace to any kingdom!
I say hang the bastard.
Get on with it!
And your minstrel, Courtney,
is to be tarred and feathered
for unlawful association with a deviant.
Children, I'm allergic, please. Let's not.
Please! These allegations, they're being greatly exaggerated.
It was more or less just heavy petting
with a brief moment of penetration.
Disgusting!
He deserves to die! Kill him! Hang the bastard!
Hey! Easy! That's not nice.
You, bloodthirsty little fucker!
Show me some respect, I'm a prince!
To the bowels of hell!
Good night, Prince.
Oh, dear gods.
Your Highness, what are you doing?
I'm escaping, Courtney!
Quit playing with those children and help me!
Kill him!
Get him! After him!
Your Highness, wait for me!
Why are they upset?
All dwarf queens are unfaithful.
Hurry, Courtney, back to the kingdom!
Forgive us with your tiny hearts!
Faster sheepies, faster!
Please wait, sir!
Courtney, you've proven yourself useless yet again.
Who's that?
We're safe and we're stoned.
Ganja!
They're gaining on us.
Oh, the dragon!
Those Highland Dwarves have got weapons!
Coming through.
Boobies!
Watch out, Courtney!
I'm telling father we should go
to war with these double-crossers.
Poultry!
Livestock! Courtney, this is no time to be napping.
I'm a chicken.
Let's get back... Oh, look!
Mmm. A little feast to break up this pursuit.
Dangerous, yet delicious.
I'm jumping out this window.
He's angry!
Courtney, break my fall with your body.
Ow! Please don't hurt my bottom!
Run, Courtney! Pick up the pace!
Why do people so little run so fast?
That was close.
Courtney, I've had enough of this nonsense!
Crack-a-lacka, you little varmint.
They're devils, sir! They're devils!
- Get him! - They're muscular.
- Get off me! - That's it, sir!
Your Highness!
YOUR HIGHNESS
Please tell me that you completed your simple task
and secured the treaty signed by the Lord of the Dwarf Village.
Father, they sent a beautiful woman
to distract me and I was defenseless.
Don't bandy words with me, Thadeous.
Your brother is to return from his quest at any moment.
Please go and bathe yourself.
Why must I bow to greet him?
No one does anything special for me
when I do extraordinary things.
And what extraordinary things have you done of late?
Do tell me. Enlighten me.
Courtney, what extraordinary things have I done?
You took a bubble bath, ate some toast,
had a sleep for one hour,
and commissioned a naked statue of your fine self.
God, if your mother could see you now.
Hear ye! Hear ye!
Oh, dear gods.
It is with blossoming personal joy
that I announce the return of the mighty,
the magnificent, the merciful,
Prince Fabious!
Hey, Prince Fabious, we adore you!
Welcome home, Prince Fabious.
You're my king, Prince Fabious.
Welcome home! You are adored.
It's Prince Fabious!
Prince Fabious, I'm here for you now.
Brother!
Oh, my god, I missed you so.
Great to see you.
Father.
My son.
Welcome home.
As you all know,
the evil wizard Leezar has plagued our kingdom
with his foul creatures and wicked ways for years.
But with my brave trusted knights
and my dear Simon.
Join us, my mechanical friend.
We have dispatched the latest of these cold blooded enemies.
Behold!
The head of Leezar's mighty Cyclops!
Fuck, yeah!
Fabious! Fabious! Fabious!
Once again, Prince Fabious has made me as proud as a father could ever be.
All the land owes him gratitude.
This is not the only good news
that I've brought home with me today.
Father, Brother, kingdom...
She is radiant!
I'd like you to meet my bride-to-be.
Belladonna.
Belladonna, my dear,
why don't you delight us with your story.
Oh, no. It's a story of strife and sadness.
No, no, it's not. It's a story of love.
- You don't have to tell it. - Shh.
If she doesn't want to tell it.
She will tell. This is a table full of your loved ones.
Oh. Okay.
I've been held captive by Leezar
in the Tower of Disorder since I was but a child.
Never knowing love nor human contact.
But I never gave up hope.
Singing every day, praying that someday my hero would find me.
And I did.
We had just slaughtered the Cyclops.
We were on our way home, and on the wind
I heard the most beautiful song.
Fascinating, really. May we take pause for one moment.
Yes, sir.
Look at Courtney's new haircut.
Doesn't it make his head look like the tip of a penis?
It's hilarious.
Thadeous, please.
What is your problem?
You, Fabious, you're being selfish and greedy.
Stealing all the attentions.
Today is not just for you two.
Today is Thundarian's birthday.
Thundarian, is it your birthday?
It's not my birthday.
It's not Thundarian's birthday, Thadeous.
Enough, enough.
My heart's desire, what is this?
No. That's a... We call that a fork,
and you use that for your food.
Right there. Fucking idiot.
Having spent years in the tower
has made her ignorant to some of our customs and things in general.
Why, yes, of course.
If your mother were here today,
she would be a very proud woman, Fabious.
Thank you, Father.
Which is why I ask your permission to marry her at once.
The glory of romance!
I call upon my criers to proclaim
that tomorrow we'll see the greatest wedding this kingdom has ever known.
And tonight, we celebrate!
I don't like this.
Courtney, will you make funny faces to entertain me?
No.
Never triangle face. I hate triangle face. It scares me.
Apologies.
Ah.
Good evening, Your Royal Highness.
Julie.
Hello, fucking Julie.
What a wonderful, wonderful evening, sire.
Yet another glorious achievement
in the whole firmament of starring moments for your brother Fabious.
We shall remember it for the rest of our lives.
Isn't that amazing how he can talk
and suck my cock at the same exact time?
Yes, it is. Incredible.
Oh, clean yourself up.
Should have closed your eyes, Julie.
I know your vulgarity masks your pain.
No, it doesn't.
I was trying to remember the last time we had
one of these wonderful evenings for you, sir.
Surely there must have been one
somewhere in the history of this kingdom, of your illustrious life.
There must've been some moment
that we can all remember.
And I'm trying to think now
and there's nothing.
Courtney, I think I've had enough of this foul party.
Yes, sir.
Stupid Julie, I'll show him.
I am Thadeous,
the greatest sword fighting man to ever live.
I will murder anyone whoever tries to insult me
or challenge me.
Some balls you have, Simon, showing yourself to me.
No matter what you say, we'll never be friends
because I hate mechanical inventions
and you know this.
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hey, Simon.
You should swing from your hips, Brother. You'll get more leverage.
Here, let me show you.
Oh, god.
Put your hands there, yeah,
and swing.
Gods, get off of me. I know how to use a sword.
- Do you? - Yes.
We'll see about that.
Okay, enough. I don't want to do swords with you.
I'm doing it by myself.
Defend yourself, Brother!
- Stop it. - There you go.
Stop.
Defend yourself!
Stop it.
Oh, shit!
You just nicked my knuckles!
Oh, you'll be all right. It's not as if I cut your head off or anything.
Why would you bring that disgusting thing here?
It's getting juices in our water supply.
It's a souvenir of my kill.
I always take one from a foe that's tasted the cold,
unrelenting steel of my blade.
Souvenir of your kill?
That sounds like a rather stupid, bloodthirsty tradition.
What's your problem?
Why are you such a sourpuss?
I'm not being a sourpuss. I just didn't wanna be at that celebrations.
All I want is for you to be a part of this moment.
I want you to be gay with me and father.
I don't want to be gay with you two.
I'd rather just stay in here
with my blade and fuck things up.
Why would you say that?
Because, Fabious, it's true.
I'm sick and tired of everyone sucking up on your tits
because you are to become king.
All the while, no one gives two turtle shits about me.
But Thaddy, first borns like me, we become king.
Second borns, you can be whatever you want to be.
I want to be king.
Maybe we can both be king.
No, I want to be king by myself.
Well, cheer up, Brother.
I have something else that you can be.
What?
Best man at my wedding.
I can think of no one else I'd want by my side
as I sing my vow passionately into her eyes.
Sounds tedious and boring.
If I'm not mistaken, it's tradition
that the best man gets to finger the bridesmaids.
Really? I've never heard of this tradition.
You have a fucking deal.
Oh, you're gonna be so handsome!
Who's gonna be the most handsome best man?
Probably me.
Who's the prince with the most dashing moustache?
Me.
Who gives the warmest hugs?
Me, of course.
I love you, Thadeous.
Okay, that's cool.
All gather for the royal wedding!
Hello there, best man.
Best man?
If he wanted a best man, he should have chosen me.
How many quests have I been on with Fabious?
- Countless. - Mmm.
I gave my hand to save his life on the battlefield.
And yet he chooses Thadeous as his best man.
That sorry sack of shit.
Such a poor excuse for a prince.
He's nothing more than a self-entitled, rotten child!
Idiot.
- You look beautiful. - Thank you.
Belladonna...
Oh, my love.
Oh, Fabious, I can't wait until the cervix is over,
and to lie together as one:
No, the service.
The cervix is a circular wing of muscles that contracts or expands.
It's up in your vagina.
That's where my penis will go after the wedding.
Have you not consummated your love?
Not yet.
Belladonna has never been with a man
so we've decided to preserve her purity till after the wedding.
She's given me this ribbon from her fair hair.
To hold on to until we can be together in a sex-way.
Yes.
Enough, enough.
If Thadeous wishes to play forgetful
on his brother's day of days,
then wait we shall not.
I can't get married without my brother. He's my best man.
His time has passed. Pick another best man.
No.
- Julie, you be best man. - Here you are.
Godsdammit.
Oh, Brendan, you trolls have it so easy.
Out here playing recklessly in your beautiful mud.
Eating your scraps of horse meats and crumbs.
- Green grass. - Green grass.
And do tell, how do you get so dirty?
You just take the earth and rub it upon your face?
Your Highness,
the wedding has... Hello. The wedding has started.
I do not care.
I'd rather stay with this fine gentleman.
Hiding here with my true friends.
Yes.
Let the whole entire wedding wonder and worry where I am.
This is the day that I've been waiting for
Sand in the kingdom
Our love is born
Flowing from the ocean to the moons
Your heart now I hold
You have a beauty I can't ignore
Bastion of all I do adore
Giving this moment
Our love that's true
Our hearts now are one
Bravo!
Reveal yourself, stranger. Are you lost?
A thousand pardons. I mean not to intrude on such a joyous occasion.
However, today I just could not help myself.
Leezar!
You're not welcome here, devil!
If you come in peace, say so,
otherwise prepare to meet your doom.
Oh, brave Fabious.
You murdered my Cyclops. But I have other perils in store for you.
Ones that are beyond the bounds of your imagination.
One, in particular,
involving an ancient prophecy destined
to be fulfilled by a powerful warlock,
me:
And, of course, a very beautiful virgin that looks just like
her.
I was keeping that one for something very special.
And I dare say it was rude of you to steal her from me.
Now I'm here to get her back.
And just how do you plan on doing that?
Magic,
motherfucker.
Not a moment more.
- Knights, to arms! - Take him!
Do you honestly think your band of worms can stop me?
Arise therefore, my mothers!
Watch out!
Come with me.
Leezar!
I shall not go back to that dreadful tower!
Look into my eyes!
You will learn to love me! Do you understand?
Come on.
Impossible.
Farewell, Kingdom of Mourne.
As always, it has been my pleasure.
I thought it was from riding sheep,
but it turns out just to be an ear infection.
You fucker!
Good times.
No one get up. I'm very tired.
I'm going straight to my bed chambers.
Brother, thank god you're alive.
When you didn't show up for the wedding, I feared the worst.
Why are you crying?
Leezar has taken my love.
- What? - Yes.
So, your brother is about to embark on yet another quest.
This time to rescue Belladonna
and rid the land of that loathsome wretch
once and for all.
Wow, how noble of him.
Well, it was nice to see you, as short as the visit was.
I look forward to hearing about it. Good luck and good bye.
Thadeous, this is Fabious' 28th quest.
How many have you been on?
Courtney, how many quests have I completed?
Uh...
The answer is none.
It is finally time for you to become a man.
You must journey with your brother to rescue his bride.
Father, you can't be serious.
If you want me to go on to a quest,
then let's start with something easy,
like boiling a chicken or beating off in front of a Pegasus.
Elementary things.
Look around you at the harm that has befallen this castle!
This quest is your last chance
to prove to me and the kingdom
that you are a man worthy to bear the family crest,
and to show that at your core, you are not rotten,
but you are brave, and honorable, and noble.
All the qualities expected of a prince.
The choice is yours.
Either journey with your brother and the Knights Elite,
or you can face banishment from the kingdom.
Shit.
You see, Courtney,
I alone understand how to properly prepare for a quest.
Masculine garments, proper, good collie to smoke upon.
How is Steven doing?
He looks like he's stoned, sir.
Fabious has Simon,
and now I have Steven, a far superior creature companion.
Wouldn't you agree?
He will fare very well, indeed, I'm sure, Your Highness.
I do hope this adventure is not too stressful or boring.
Either way I intend to get properly fucked up if no one disagrees.
Belladonna, wake up. Wake up.
Who is that? Where am I?
'Tis I, Fabious. Your love.
Fabious?
You're still in Leezar's lair.
But fear not, I'm here to rescue you.
Fabious, it's really you.
I knew you'd come to find me.
I can't do this. I can't do it. It's so mean.
You should've seen the look on your face. It's me!
You're still a prisoner.
I've seen a beautiful world beyond this prison,
and I count the hours till I escape.
I wouldn't be so sure of that.
Lookie there. The twin moons drawing slowly together.
Time moving them closer.
Just as time moves you and I closer together.
And when the two moons unite, so shall we.
Perhaps, keeping you in this tower has left you ignorant.
You're so easily deceived.
For example, I have heard that your Prince Fabious
has made his bed recklessly with many maidens.
And I heard that he has fungi on his genitalia as a result.
Also, he organizes orgies
with wenches and barbarians alike
and he takes sperm on him and gives it to women freely.
Spilling his seed willy-nilly
as he makes his way through that orgy.
I don't believe you.
He is not the dashing young man you believe him to be.
So
these are the harsh realities of the outside world.
Welcome home.
Halt! Steady.
Oh.
Sorry to disturb you two love birds
but we've arrived at the home of the Wize Wizard.
Who the hell is the Wize Wizard?
He's an ancient seer who helps many
on their quest with added insight.
Great. Well, let me know how it goes.
Leave him in his carriage, Fabious.
You and I will seek counsel with the Wize Wizard.
No.
Come, Brother. This is the first stop on your first quest.
We shall go together.
Brother,
you look ravishing in that armor,
but I don't think you'll need it.
The Wize Wizard is a peaceful, little old man.
I'm wearing it. You're just being jealous.
Shit!
Thadeous!
Fuck.
Hello? Anyone home?
Looks as if someone is cultivating glorious herbs in here.
Hey, Wize Wizard, is that you over there?
Who dares enter my den?
It is I, Prince Fabious and my brother, Prince Thadeous.
We come to seek counsel.
Come, come. Give me kisses.
Kiss him.
Fuck, no.
Pretty please.
Kiss it on the mouth.
For the quest.
I do it every time I come.
Hello. Nice to meet you.
Oh, god.
Sit, sit.
Sit.
Fabious has been coming here since he was a boy.
You did this when you were a child.
Yes!
We had great times, didn't we?
Yes, yes, we did.
You would kiss him?
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, sometimes we would do other things.
Like what?
When I was younger, we'd take our shirts off and jump on the bed.
Playful secrets.
Don't tell father.
Hmm.
Breathe deeply of these herbs
and share a vision with me.
Of course.
Yes. Allow me to puff as well.
Hmm.
Those are some powerful herbs.
Giving me dark visions.
Shall we pack this again?
I'm not getting visions. I'm not sure if it's working, Wizard.
Visions. Visions.
Thadeous, are you seeing what I'm seeing?
You making a fool yourself.
Handle your shit, Fabious, please.
No, I can't.
Please, interpret these visions, Wizard.
Prophecies foretell of an evil wizard
laying his seed inside a virgin
under the eclipse of the two moons.
What? What evil prophecy is this?
The child she would spawn
is said to be a dragon most powerful.
Ew. Leezar wants to make love to Belladonna to create a dragon?
That's fucking disgusting.
I cannot let this happen.
When is this eclipse?
In five nights' time,
but you will need an enchanted blade to do this warlock in.
A blade made of unicorn horn.
Say where I can find such a sword and it shall be mine.
It rests in the depths of the most perilous hidden labyrinth.
Just beyond Muldiss Darton.
Muldiss Darton.
Well, what is Muldiss Darton?
It's a place of legend.
Oh. Powerful magic.
This crooked compass will catch the light
and point the way to the labyrinth's location.
Be warned,
they say the walls of this maze drive men to madness.
But if you can find your way,
the blade will be yours.
Thank you, Wize Wizard.
Not so fast. First you must answer a riddle.
What journey be long and twisted and sensitive at hand?
To what end must man go to discover the depths of his ecstasy?
Think hard, strong warriors.
Fuck, I know this.
Oh.
I've got it!
You want us to twist what is long with our sensitive hands.
He wants us to jerk him off.
Just punch the tip and twist it.
Yes, but we are not going to do that.
If it's for the quest, we will do what needs to be done.
I'll work the tip, you tickle his balls.
Yuck!
Pervert.
Did you get any information?
Let's just make camp.
Sick. This quest sucks.
It used to be you that joined him.
Yes.
Don't worry. All will be well.
Ha!
Attentions please, warriors.
I propose a toast.
Let us drink till thine asses are drunk.
Brother, we do not celebrate
until we complete the quest at hand.
It is the code of the Knights Elite.
What of my code where we drink like men?
Thadeous, we have some traditions
of our own out here on the road.
Manious, prepare the warrior's tidings, if you will.
If it is the first night of your first quest, well...
Here it comes.
Disgusting.
Feast upon the heart of the beast.
No, thank you, I'm not hungry.
It is a tradition among men:
- Eat it. - Eat it.
Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!
You fuckers! That's not funny!
You're not supposed to eat it.
You all were chanting.
Maybe there's some donkey cock in your carriage!
Fuck you, Boremont! Manious, fuck you!
I hate all of you.
Thadeous!
Come back.
Thadeous, come here.
Ah.
Dark master,
it is I, Julie.
We have crossed the hazel meadow,
and are now taking rest at the Cliffs of Kuneman.
Now that the Princes of Mourne have left their stronghold
their vulnerabilities are in your hands.
My hands.
Bring Prince Fabious to me alive.
I would like him to witness as I impregnate his love.
Impregnate.
As for Thadeous and his boy,
toss them from the Cliffs of Kuneman. They're useless.
Fart.
Knock, knock. May I come in?
No, leave me alone. Get out of here.
Thadeous, you must calm down. It's over.
You ate the heart, you passed the initiation.
Passed?
You made me look stupid in front of all your friends.
And don't think I'm not telling father because I'm going to.
Thadeous, we were just having some fun, and it was perfect.
Now they know you're not to be fucked with.
Excuse me, sir, sorry for the intrusion.
I have just witnessed a most disturbing incident.
There must be a misunderstanding.
Julie is my most trusted confidant.
Julie is an idiot.
No, he's not. He's a gentleman.
Julie is what, Your Highness?
I'm not sure, Julie.
Courtney said he saw some suspicious behavior.
You, I saw you talking with Leezar.
How dare you watch me in my private moments.
He's stolen my vision.
Get him, Courtney!
Come here!
You old beast.
Courtney, just restrain him with all your might.
No, slay him!
Murder him!
Die of me.
What?
Don't move, you're surrounded.
Ew!
Julie has no dick!
Ew.
Boremont!
Help!
Knights!
A turncoat has been discovered!
Prince Fabious, what is wrong?
Boremont, seize Julie,
I'm afraid he's betrayed us!
That thing is a dickless traitor!
- A traitor, you say. - Yes.
I saw him seeking counsel with Leezar.
Counsel? With Leezar?
Well, if what they say is true,
then, Julie, I have but one question for you.
What were our master's orders?
What?
His orders were simple.
Capture Fabious and kill the rest.
Boremont, how could you?
What about the code of the Knights Elite?
Code?
Upon your choice of best man for your wedding,
your "code" became clear to me.
You hurt my feelings.
Now I shall hurt yours.
Kill them all!
Look out!
To the carriage!
Your friends tried to slay us.
Those bastards! Get in!
After them!
Okay, go!
We've got company!
Ready yourselves!
These men are fierce!
Oh, gods!
Under the cart you go!
Fucking sword! Stab him!
Stab him!
You cut his hair off!
Oh!
Fabious, he's coming!
I know, get up here!
Come on!
Now what?
I have a plan. We jump on the horses and ride away.
But the horses, they're moving.
I know. I know.
Oh, shit!
Come on!
What? Want me, as well?
Now!
Face me, you traitor.
Look!
Oh, shit!
We did it!
Ka-boom!
Yes!
If I could have everyone's attention.
I'd like to say a few words, if I may.
I have prepared this feast
in honor and appreciation of Belladonna.
Seems like it was only yesterday
that we used sorcery to burn your village to the ground,
come in and snatch you.
But I remember looking at you
all those years ago and thinking,
"Wow, that's a baby."
"And that's the baby that someday I will have to have sex with."
Now, look at me.
A 19-year-old boy, almost a man,
still a virgin.
To the fuckening!
Yes, to the fuckening!
Leezar, what is this rubbish you have set before us?
It's such a funny choice for a feast.
I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.
Dealing with her and you and the fucking prophecy.
I mean, we could all just relax...
Master.
What do you want, Julie?
Regrettably, the Princes of Mourne have escaped.
You should've killed them at the wedding when you had the chance.
Fabious is of no purpose to us.
Silence!
His purpose is to destroy you and your evil ways.
Would you shut up, or I will love you less.
Are those fish fingers you're eating?
No more questions! Now find them!
Shit! Fabious, the horses! They're escaping.
Yes, it's a distraction to lead them off our trail.
And what are we to do now? Walk all the way home?
Home? We're not going home.
Just because the knights betrayed us
does not mean we give up on the quest.
Together we can still accomplish what needs to be done.
How? We're lost, I'm hungry.
This stump, it's putting my asshole to sleep.
Thadeous, your feet are bare. Put your boots on.
They're filthy, I'm having them exfoliated.
No time for exfoliation.
The compass points north.
We shall follow it still.
I will not give up till Belladonna is safe in mine arms.
Oh, god.
Simon! Where have you been?
Shit.
What?
I left goddamn Steven back at camp.
Who's Steven?
He's my loyal animal companion.
And he means just as much to me as Simon means to you.
But I guess I'll never see him again.
Very well. I understand that bond.
Let us return to camp, face the traitors and rescue Steven.
No, fuck it. It's over.
But, perhaps, since my animal companion is no longer here,
it's only fair that we get rid of yours as well.
No, that would serve no purpose, Brother.
That would be like me asking you to get rid of Courtney
just because Julie is no longer with us.
I will drown Courtney in the shallow fucking pond right now
if that means fair is fair.
I don't like that idea, sir.
No, Simon can help us.
Simon,
you must take this message to father.
Tell him that the Knights Elite betrayed us
and he must send an army across the valley to Muldiss Darton
and help us retrieve the Blade of Unicorn.
Hurry, Simon!
Fly to Mourne and deliver these desperate words.
Fly!
Come on, Manious, you've been sniffing dirt all morning.
We would not be in this position, Julie,
if you wouldn't have gotten caught communicating with Leezar.
And if you ladies were proper assassins,
you'd have cut them down back there as the Dark Lord commanded.
Manious, what do you see?
They stepped towards the sun here.
This blade of grass, one of them pissed on it.
And then they moved, very quickly, mind, towards...
There!
That's Marteetee's land.
What?
Our mission may be completed sooner than I expected.
If I may be so bold, Your Highness,
what is the meaning of that ribbon that you hold?
This?
It's a gift from Belladonna.
A symbol of her virgin purity.
I hold it and savor it.
You do that instead of have sex with her?
Belladonna is unlike any maiden in the kingdom.
She behaves without judgment,
defies expectation.
When I first heard her voice
a tear came to my eye,
and that tear turned to ice,
and I kept that frozen tear
far from my heart that burns with passion.
If she had a wound,
I would kiss it.
If she had a splinter,
I would pull it from her flesh with mine lips.
Just say we are too late and Leezar has had his way with her,
would you still be able to be with her?
I don't want to think about that.
But just say that we were moments late,
and he was able to get her cookies.
Shut up.
Yes, I know, but what if he butt-fucked her? Would you still like her?
Do I have to write you a poem?
There's never been a love so true as ours.
That's pure love.
Yes, it is.
No, that's pure love.
There's a naked woman standing behind you.
Who is that?
Is she looking at us?
Who is it? Is it him? Are you looking to him?
Is it Courtney? Is it to me?
It's Courtney. I think it's to me.
I believe she is taking her trousers off.
Right, I will return momentarily.
No.
Thadeous, it might be a trap.
The only thing those tits will trap is my warm spray.
Have fun rubbing your ribbon.
Disgusting.
Come back here, you.
I'm beginning to think he doesn't care about this quest.
What could possibly make you think that, sir?
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit! It's a trap. A booby trap.
Oh, god!
It was a trap.
White people, I knew it!
White people?
- Are they nice or are they mean? - They're mean!
They're the meanest!
What do we do?
I don't know. It is against code to strike a woman.
I'm sick of your silly codes.
Punch these ladies in the face!
Sire, where are they taking us?
I don't know. Stay close!
Marteetee.
Mart-who?
Silence!
Good day, my little bees
and welcome to my most special of events.
We have a wonderful treat
as you get to witness a sea of babbling men
behold their fates.
Enter, Dastardly!
Bloodthirsty creatures.
Oh!
Brother, if I die, you must promise me to continue our quest.
Ooh!
- Him. - No!
Kill him first!
Stay away!
Take the knife.
Why?
Watch this.
- Oh! - Yes!
No!
Face! Yes!
Huh?
We've bested your finest warrior.
Now grant us our freedom!
Yeah!
Bring Marteetee his cauldron!
What is the cauldron?